It seems that I now have an audience; I myself have never taken the time to look at anyone's blog, my own included. But you, dear reader, are not alone. There are more just like you, reading along by the lineful, eagerly awaiting the next post with frothing anticipation. Or at least that's how I envision it in my head. My "profile views" number has spiked this week; I can only assume that more people are reading me and growing curious as to what I am about. Or, there could be one creepy guy in Kentucky who reloads my profile over and over, never once taking heed to the words I've written. Either way, I feel good. For the first time in a while, I feel good.

Leave feedback, dear reader. If I enjoy your commentary, you might qualify to win a 100% cotton "lettuce go!" athletic tee, whose adorable logo illustrates two crispy, mouth-watering heads of iceberg lettuce sitting atop a chopping board. Racists, please indicate the epithet you'd like to proudly display: Lettuce heads are available in many different ethnicities! Choose from african lettuce, arab lettuce, or my personal favorite, semitic lettuce (lettuce heads sit atop Hitler's dinner table, with a hungry Fuhrer in the background, ready to dine!).